#MicroblogMondays- And…. LEAP!

I have always been a very risk averse person.  And I don’t particularly enjoy change.  Even good change.  I like structure.  Predictability.  Sercurity.  I like these things so much that, on occasion, I have stayed in rather unpleasant situations far longer than I should have, simply because I knew what to expect.  After all, it could always be a little bit worse, right?  The devil you know, and all that….

It’s not that I’ve never taken chances.  Of course I have.  And most of those risks have paid off.  I took a chance when I moved to a city where I knew absolutely nobody.  I took a job with absolutely no guaranteed hours, hoping like mad that I would somehow make enough money to pay off my $50000 student loan.  I took a chance on love when I met my husband.  I took a chance when I had my daughter… which might sound weird, but having a baby is the biggest lifestyle change of all.  You simply can’t predict how you are going to feel when you suddenly have this tiny, helpless creature in your arms.

All of these changes turned out well, but I admit that I struggled to adapt in each and every case.  I suspect that the struggle stems from the fact that, for every successful, worthwhile change I have made, there have been a million mistakes and bad decisions.  The abusive boyfriends.  The rather impulsive choice of career.  Taking on a bigger mortgage than I probably should have.  And so on, and so on.  Many of these choices have left me damaged in some way- physically, mentally, or emotionally.  And all of them together have left me terrified of stepping outside my comfort zone.

I have been unhappy in my job for a long time.  Maybe unhappy is the wrong word-  restless, weary.  A little bit bored.  Perhaps those are better choices.  So, for years, I have been applying for jobs- looking for a change that, given the completely saturated job market, I thought would never come.  So imagine my suprise when, just a few days ago, I was offered the most recent job I had interviewed for.

Given my strong propensity for sameness and security, being offered a job that ticked all the proverbial boxes (and, quite frankly, seemed a little bit too good to be true) lead to cognitive dissonance like I had never experienced before.  On one hand, here was an exciting job that suited my lifestyle and personality, and would allow me to be home for dinner with my family every night.  But it was newly created position in an environment where budget cuts are happening each and every day.  On the other hand, I have so much security in my old job that I would almost have to murder someone in the lobby with an axe to get fired… but I feel sick to my stomach every time I think about being stuck there for another fourteen years until retirement.

Change always comes with risk.  The question you have to ask yourself is whether or not what you hope to achieve is worth risking everything for.  Whether or not you can close your eyes and step from the precipice on front of you, without knowing what lies below.

Sometimes, you can’t.  But sometimes, you can.  Sometimes, it is worth it.

I accepted the job.  I start on June 20th.

And…. LEAP…

 

 

 

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14 comments
  1. Congratulations!! I could have written the same first few paragraphs too — I hate change and try to avoid it at all costs. In retrospect, I probably should have forced myself to at least look at other opportunities, long before I was eventually shown the door from my supposedly secure longtime job. Yes, it’s a risk, but then everything in life is these days, it seems. May the benefits of taking this leap be all that you’d hoped for!

  2. Like Mel, I could have written the first paragraph. Change can be scary but as proven, change oftens leads to good. Congratulations on the new job and new opportunity to settle into new normal. 🙂

  3. Thank you everybody! I’m scared, excited and sad about this change. I’m sure I’ll have lots to say about it over the next few weeks. I knew that if I turned this down, it could be years before another good opportunity presented itself (if ever…), so I decided to take the plunge…

  4. Well, you know the old saying, if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’re always get what the same result. So good for you! It is scary, but there is always genius in boldness, right?

  5. Yay! I am so happy for you. I could have written the top part of this post, so I get that this is a big step. But I’m really excited for you. May this new thing be a good thing.

  6. Congratulations, friend! It’s a brave new step and I am so excited you took it! As long as I have read you I have known how you feel about your current job. A whole new life and a whole new chapter. Time to celebrate!

  7. Boy do I know what you mean about not wanting things to change because of the security you feel where you are. My fingers are crossed so tightly for you that this new job is just what you need and want.

  8. Yay! I know its scary (I’m extremely risk and change-averse myself) but this sounds like such a great change. It seemed like a LOT of your discontent in all areas of life came down to the shiftwork and the toll it was taking on your body, your schedule, your family life. And if it doesn’t work out? Something else will.

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